So on Saturday, several of us went to celebrate ALV's birthday at the zoo. If you haven't been there (or have only been there for Immunity Day parties), it's a really cute little zoo that you can cover in an hour and cover *well* in two hours. Personally, I adore the otters or - as we have dubbed them - water puppies.
Anyway, as we're preparing to leave, I mention that we should go to see "Quantum of Solace" the following weekend and how it's disgraceful that "Twilight", coming out the weekend after that, is a real threat to the new Bond film's numbers. We begin discussing "Twilight"... by which I mean, I began berating what is sure to be a god-awful movie because it's based on the only books for which I've ever advocated book-burning.
Which is around the time that we hear this woman - complete with tattoos and one of those nose rings better suited for a bull - behind us asking if I'm talking about "Twilight" and if I am, that I need to realize they're the best books ever or she'll throw something at me. Um, what? Lady, let me count the ways you just annoyed me. First, you're eavesdropping. Second, assuming that you're holding drinks, that will be your arsenal of choice. NOT COOL. Third, and this might be a shock, but you should allow people to disagree with you - I didn't hear your threats of physical violence and then think, "Surely, I must be wrong about 'Twilight'!"
And fourth... this is a big one... you're an adult! Find a real freaking book to read. The ONLY possible exception I have for "Twilight" is that it gets kids to read - but that exception is for *kids*. You should have moved beyond this! Look elsewhere for your literary needs. Perhaps... fiction? Without the "young adult" in front of that word? Just a thought.
So yes, I was almost in a throw-down... in the zoo... surrounded by (her?) children... about children's books. It's not "Twilight" - it's the freaking Twilight Zone when that has become a reason for picking a fight with a complete stranger.
*sigh*
And, just because I know one of you out there is sputtering about how "Twilight" IS the best series ever, here's my list of why you're completely wrong:
1. It's called a Mary Sue - you know, the perfect, beautiful, smart, jeopardy-friendly girl that has charming faults like loving someone *too much* and being a klutz. Look it up. It's next to "bad writing" in the dictionary.
2. Speaking of bad writing - bad writing ahoy! You might charge me with the fact that I've never read the books. Which is true... in their entirety. But I have read the excerpts on Amazon. And I wanted to gouge my eyes out with a spork. And then cut my own hands off to make sure I would never return to Amazon again, which would only happen to make sure I wasn't hallucinating the awful. Apparently, compound sentences are a bit beyond this author.
3. The vampires sparkle. SPARKLE. Remember when vampires were evil and soulless? You know, when they were... vampire-like? That's the way I like my vampires. In the words of Buffy (when she was the amnesiac Joan) - "A vampire with a soul? How lame is that?"
4. Congratulations to the author for taking unhealthy relationships to the next level. I know Disney probably screwed up my image of romance as a child, but I don't remember the Beast ever saying to Belle, "Seriously, I love you so much that if you don't love me back, I'm going to go and get myself killed. Because that is the totally sane thing to do when you're experiencing heartache and something totally appropriate for my already emo viewers to identify with. So, I hope that's cool. Love me back if you don't desire my death!" And Belle didn't try to throw herself off a cliff when she was separated from the Beast either. Just saying.
5. Aren't the first four reasons enough???
"What do you mean, 'I'm not sparkly enough'?"
5 comments:
*giggles like a madman*
I almost entirely agree with your rant, except I must say, there is some absolutely excellent YA Fiction out there. Just 'cos it's for "Young Adults" doesn't mean it isn't literary or well-written.
I enjoyed reading some of the young adult stuff we gave the "advanced" remedial readers. (And, yes, that is oxymoronic.) But, mostly I'm writing to say that the almost fight was pretty hilarious and that I want to know what is absent from the big box on the blog.
I don't deny the merits of (some) young adult fiction... I do deny that any full-grown woman should be defending this awful series when she should be reading grown-up books. My mom liked Harry Potter, but she's not about to street fight anyone who didn't.
And you didn't let it load, Lacour - it's Nosferatu. And he's not sparkly. Awww...
I just wanted to contest your implied assertion that Harry Potter is YA. I think maybe the first book or two is, but after that, it gets pretty heavy for YA. I remember reading book 4 (?) when Cedric dies and thinking "WTF??? What kinda kids book has somebody die like that?!?"
But I realize that I'm the only person in the world who thinks Harry Potter isn't YA, so . . .
YA generally means it's for pre-teens/teenagers. There are lots of books that are young adult in which people die. HP isn't *kids*, but it's definitely young adult after the first couple of books. I wouldn't shelve it in the normal, adult fiction section, in other words. The subject matter is heavier than a 9 year old might be able to really understand (and I'm probably underestimating 9 year olds these days), but it's not like the characters are swearing/sexing/boozing it up.
Post a Comment