There are many things I don't understand - why the good die young, how people find clowns at all entertaining, and how my grades are inversely proportional the amount of time I've spent studying for the exam. One day, I hope to find the answers to these questions. But there's one thing I do not understand and have no wish to - Twitter.
What narcissistic sociopath thought up Twitter? From what I can tell, it's addictive, constant and has even ensnared the upper echelons of our government representatives. Since when was anything that a decrepit congressman did cool? It would only have been worse if Obama himself was updating Twitter during his own speech - "Barack Obama is *rocking* this", "Barack Obama OMG! almost lost his place!", "Barack Obama thinks Nancy Pelosi might try to hug him soon - creepy".
Does anyone but me realize that it's just Facebook statuses on steroids? Don't we have enough people that update their status with frightening consistency? Why are we rewarding that behavior? Seriously, if you go to the Twitter homepage, under the "Why?" tab, it has "Eating soup? Research shows your mom wants to know." NO. I can ASSURE you that my mother does not care about my dietary habits on a minute-to-minute basis. I have never called her to list out my meals to her, unless you count when I went to Scotland, and I emailed to her - "I ate haggis and actually liked it!" (There was a whole lot more to that email.) And, people, my mother loves me.
Let's face it. Twitter is the ultimate vanity - more than even, say, having a blog where you preach to everyone about how certain things are stupid. It's a frivolity and a complete self-indulgence. I mean, chocolate cake is too but at least it takes only 5 minutes to eat a slice and doesn't annoy the crap out of the people around you.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Elvis Has Left the Building
Like roughly half of BLS, I went to Vegas last week. We stayed at Planet Hollywood (our room's theme was "Empire Records", in case you were wondering) and in our roughly 48 hours on the Strip, I learned several things:
1. I want the job of designing fountain shows choreographed to music for the Bellagio. I'm probably fooling myself into thinking this is a relatively stress-free job.
2. When going anywhere in Vegas, take your camera, for Pete's sake. Can't take it out on the casino floors, but if you don't, you miss your opportunity to have a picture with either Penn or Teller after their show.
3. Hearing Teller actually talk three feet away from you is somewhat akin to your team having won a championship with the odds against it - you're pleased with something that had nothing to do with you, but is rather surreal all the same.
4. Do not fool yourself into thinking that winning at roulette once means you have some special skill at winning again.
5. In fact, winning at anything means you will soon lose at everything.
6. On the other hand, free drinks are fabulous no matter what you're playing and losing at. And it makes those silly penny slot games extremely distracting.
7. Finding a cheap place to eat is the biggest win you'll have in Vegas.
8. When feeling too anxious about the money you've lost or spent, spend more money ($14) and take a ride on the New York New York roller coaster - I giggled like mad, anyway.
9. If you see your husband with lots of chips at the poker table at 2 pm, resign yourself to the fact that he'll come up to you without any chips at all at 6 pm. Smile and ask where you're going to dinner instead.
10. Two nights are not enough to see everything - plan a return trip on the plane ride home.
1. I want the job of designing fountain shows choreographed to music for the Bellagio. I'm probably fooling myself into thinking this is a relatively stress-free job.
2. When going anywhere in Vegas, take your camera, for Pete's sake. Can't take it out on the casino floors, but if you don't, you miss your opportunity to have a picture with either Penn or Teller after their show.
3. Hearing Teller actually talk three feet away from you is somewhat akin to your team having won a championship with the odds against it - you're pleased with something that had nothing to do with you, but is rather surreal all the same.
4. Do not fool yourself into thinking that winning at roulette once means you have some special skill at winning again.
5. In fact, winning at anything means you will soon lose at everything.
6. On the other hand, free drinks are fabulous no matter what you're playing and losing at. And it makes those silly penny slot games extremely distracting.
7. Finding a cheap place to eat is the biggest win you'll have in Vegas.
8. When feeling too anxious about the money you've lost or spent, spend more money ($14) and take a ride on the New York New York roller coaster - I giggled like mad, anyway.
9. If you see your husband with lots of chips at the poker table at 2 pm, resign yourself to the fact that he'll come up to you without any chips at all at 6 pm. Smile and ask where you're going to dinner instead.
10. Two nights are not enough to see everything - plan a return trip on the plane ride home.
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