Strawberries and David Bowie References

I had such a horrible night last night. I had a headache, my outlines were going as well as Larry Craig's appeals and Jon called in the middle of "House" to tell me that his class ended early, forcing me to miss the second half of the one hour of the day I had to myself and my own enjoyment. I was not pleased. But I feel slightly better about today for a few reasons:

1) Charlie was a strawberry for Halloween and specifically, my apartment complex's pet costume contest. He lost, but whatever. I half-heartedly aimed to win by going to Petsmart and buying a costume yesterday. He whole-heartedly wanted to sniff all the other dogs' private areas. One of us got our wish and that's enough for me.



2) A new Zero Punctuation review (see my post below).

3) "The Inevitable Rise and Liberation of NiggyTardust!" comes out tonight at midnight. You can either get it free or pay $5, here. I'm not going to lie - it's not my cup of tea. It's kind of dance/hip-hop/rap. Few genres can get so far from my own musical tastes, although it's interesting and worth a listen, and I must admit it's growing on me.

"So why are you promoting it on your limited-audience but irritatingly vocal blog, Yee?" Because it's produced by Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails. But contrary to what some of you might be thinking, that fact in and of itself is not enough for me to endorse music that I don't care for. Trent Reznor got Marilyn Manson his first big break, but I'd never tell you to go out and buy "Antichrist Superstar". I know that a lot of NIN fans are also devout in their following of someone I think of as the second creepiest person alive (after Michael Jackson), but I'm not one of them.*

But I digress. The reason I am telling you to go and at least listen to "NiggyTardust" is because record labels are dying. File-sharing is not going to go away and the labels are doing all they can to encourage it by doing foolish things like charging $35 in Australia for a NIN CD.** Radiohead already has offered their latest CD for "whatever the consumer wants to pay for it", whether it be $1 or $40. "NiggyTardust" is doing the same thing and will probably get a lot more recognition when it's not suffering under the thumb of a label. This is only the beginning of the trend. The recording industry can't stop it. I don't think that's a bad thing. Using something as expansive as the internet for a marketing playground will churn out a lot of crap music. But how is that different from record labels these days? (Have you heard the Britney Spears album? Heaven help our ears.) But it'll also produce a lot of ingenuity that would never have been heard if it had been up to a record label. It's all about accessibility. I want to be open-minded enough. Do you?

*The exception being some of Manson's covers. They're pretty good if you feel there's not enough gothiness in some of your standard 80s hits.

**The more fool thing to do was to tell Reznor that they were doing that because his fans were willing to pay that. Telling a person like Reznor that you're basically screwing over his fans is like jumping on Danny Bonaduce's face without warning - you're going to end up in bad shape and people will just tell you that you only have yourself to blame.

I See Much Grumbling In Your Future

ABC News is reporting that Stephen Colbert's faux-campaign to run for president might be illegal. The FEC is carefully watching Colbert's movements because of corporate sponsorship, especially because Comedy Central has "given a talk show to a favored candidate".

Um, what? I'm pretty sure Comedy Central gave a talk show to a popular sidekick from The Daily Show. Then, 2 years later, Colbert started a joke campaign. I must start working for Comedy Central - I definitely want the free and accurate tea leaf readings they must be giving out.

The former counsel for the FEC warns that Colbert's presence might significantly affect the election. And you know what I say to that? GOOD.

Oh my goodness, is anyone else sick to death of the 2008 elections? Was anyone else sick of them a freaking year ago when the candidates started lining up??? And they're all just cardboard cut-outs of each other, but they're trying desperately to prove that they aren't. Then they just end up looking like kids in a schoolyard, fighting about who has the better Tonka truck - when they're BOTH freaking Tonka trucks!

I would do a little dance if someone like Colbert stepped up to the plate. I think you might actually get some answers out of him that weren't pandering to the largest demographic possible. For me, it's gotten to be less about what is coming out of your politicking mouth and more about the honesty behind it. Because why bother voting for someone if they're going to turn around and do something completely different than what they promised when they get into office? I'll still grumble when you do things I don't like, but at least I can't grumble and feel cheated at the same time if you told the truth in the first place.

So if Colbert's faux-campaign is making a mockery of a process that basically feeds the American public the gristle off the underside of a barbeque grill and tells them it's prime rib, then fabulous. I think this joke of a election system needs a little jolt of honesty. I hope those plastered-on smiles of the candidates waver a bit as they realize a comedian with a late-night cable show has a more rabid following than they do. Maybe then they'll turn into real boys and girls!

Because I'm a Geek Too

Purely for video gamers or people with a good sense of humor. Yes, he uses bad words. But he's Australian, so I forgive him.

This is one of the two videos on YouTube that you can actually find because this guy was brilliantly picked up by The Escapist - new game reviews are posted every week. This week's review was of Super Paper Mario and it's hilarious. Go check it out.

Indecisive

Over the fierce protests of the Chinese government, the Dalai Lama was awarded the Congressional Gold Medal in Washington D.C. today.

I'm a bit torn by this. I respect Buddhism for its messages and the Dalai Lama in turn for conveying those messages so well over that past several decades. He has his controversial moments (don't we all?) but in the end, I think he displays what humanity is capable of - peace, unconditional love and acceptance.

On the other hand, I'm not so sure we should be ticking China off right now. We've done it before and we'll do it again, but the timing on this one just makes me raise an eyebrow. They've pulled out of talks about Iran over this and the president is surprisingly nonchalant about angering such a superpower. We sort of need as many friends as we can get at the moment. I'm no fan of the Chinese government and I don't think bowing down to them is the right thing to do. I just... well, I'm just not sure how I feel about this.

Perhaps I should take the Dalai Lama's view about China's reaction - "Oh, that always happens."

I Heart Stephen Colbert

Because I know a lot of you won't click a link, here's the editorial from the New York Times in its entirety. I know who I'm voting for - at least it'll be a good time. ;)

A Mock Columnist, Amok
By MAUREEN DOWD
Published: October 14, 2007

I was in my office, writing a column on the injustice of relative marginal tax rates for hedge fund managers, when I saw Stephen Colbert on TV.

He was sneering that Times columns make good “kindling.” He was ranting that after you throw away the paper, “it takes over a hundred years for the lies to biodegrade.” He was observing, approvingly, that “Dick Cheney’s fondest pipe dream is driving a bulldozer into The New York Times while drinking crude oil out of Keith Olbermann’s skull.”

I called Colbert with a dare: if he thought it was so easy to be a Times Op-Ed pundit, he should try it. He came right over. In a moment of weakness, I had staged a coup d’moi. I just hope he leaves at some point. He’s typing and drinking and threatening to “shave Paul Krugman with a broken bottle.”

I Am an Op-Ed Columnist (And So Can You!)

By STEPHEN COLBERT

Surprised to see my byline here, aren’t you? I would be too, if I read The New York Times. But I don’t. So I’ll just have to take your word that this was published. Frankly, I prefer emoticons to the written word, and if you disagree :(

I’d like to thank Maureen Dowd for permitting/begging me to write her column today. As I type this, she’s watching from an overstuffed divan, petting her prize Abyssinian and sipping a Dirty Cosmotinijito. Which reminds me: Before I get started, I have to take care of one other bit of business:

Bad things are happening in countries you shouldn’t have to think about. It’s all George Bush’s fault, the vice president is Satan, and God is gay.

There. Now I’ve written Frank Rich’s column too.

So why I am writing Miss Dowd’s column today? Simple. Because I believe the 2008 election, unlike all previous elections, is important. And a lot of Americans feel confused about the current crop of presidential candidates.

For instance, Hillary Clinton. I can’t remember if I’m supposed to be scared of her so Democrats will think they should nominate her when she’s actually easy to beat, or if I’m supposed to be scared of her because she’s legitimately scary.

Or Rudy Giuliani. I can’t remember if I’m supposed to support him because he’s the one who can beat Hillary if she gets nominated, or if I’m supposed to support him because he’s legitimately scary.

And Fred Thompson. In my opinion “Law & Order” never sufficiently explained why the Manhattan D.A. had an accent like an Appalachian catfish wrestler.

Well, suddenly an option is looming on the horizon. And I don’t mean Al Gore (though he’s a world-class loomer). First of all, I don’t think Nobel Prizes should go to people I was seated next to at the Emmys. Second, winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don’t need to care about science, literature or peace.

While my hat is not presently in the ring, I should also point out that it is not on my head. So where’s that hat? (Hint: John McCain was seen passing one at a gas station to fuel up the Straight Talk Express.)

Others point to my new bestseller, “I Am America (And So Can You!)” noting that many candidates test the waters with a book first. Just look at Barack Obama, John Edwards or O. J. Simpson.

Look at the moral guidance I offer. On faith: “After Jesus was born, the Old Testament basically became a way for Bible publishers to keep their word count up.” On gender: “The sooner we accept the basic differences between men and women, the sooner we can stop arguing about it and start having sex.” On race: “While skin and race are often synonymous, skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad.” On the elderly: “They look like lizards.”

Our nation is at a Fork in the Road. Some say we should go Left; some say go Right. I say, “Doesn’t this thing have a reverse gear?” Let’s back this country up to a time before there were forks in the road — or even roads. Or forks, for that matter. I want to return to a simpler America where we ate our meat off the end of a sharpened stick.

Let me regurgitate: I know why you want me to run, and I hear your clamor. I share Americans’ nostalgia for an era when you not only could tell a man by the cut of his jib, but the jib industry hadn’t yet fled to Guangdong. And I don’t intend to tease you for weeks the way Newt Gingrich did, saying that if his supporters raised $30 million, he would run for president. I would run for 15 million. Cash.

Nevertheless, I am not ready to announce yet — even though it’s clear that the voters are desperate for a white, male, middle-aged, Jesus-trumpeting alternative.

What do I offer? Hope for the common man. Because I am not the Anointed or the Inevitable. I am just an Average Joe like you — if you have a TV show.

I Can't Believe I'm Rooting for Danny Bonaduce

So today Jonny Fairplay* sued Danny Bonaduce for battery. I've seen the video footage of the awards show where this happened. If you haven't, let me summarize - blond Carrot-Top jumps on the face of the angriest man ever and surprise! gets thrown off and breaks his teeth.

Doesn't it take you back to the paper-clip-in-the-eye case from Torts I? I mean, if someone I knew said to me, "Hey, here's a funny bit I was thinking of doing - naughty, naughty things to Danny Bonaduce's torso/face region without his prior knowledge! Also, I'm thinking of doing it in front of an audience (and a nation) that hates me," I would slap them. That's battery. Having someone freak out because you decided to 'recapture' your audience while on that someone's face is not.

*Apparently, he was on Survivor and is a complete jackass. Thank you, Wikipedia. What would I do without you?

This is Going to be a Long(horn) Week

Red River Shootout is this weekend. (I refuse to call it the pansy name they're trying to change it to that doesn't involve violence. I don't even know what the new name is, come to think of it. Red River Square Dance? Red River Shake-Hands-And-Pretend-We-Never-Historically-Shot-At-Each-Other?) Anyway, all the cool kids are going to watch. More importantly, all the cool kids are going to be rooting for UT.

Yeah, yeah. I'm engaging in some unapologetic favoritism. It's allowed every once in awhile. Go get your own blog if you disagree.

I have to admit I haven't been following the season very closely. I'm actually trying to be a decent student this quarter and devoting half of my life and money to UT is something I did for several years already, only back then it was my father's money. However, there's one thing we can all agree upon - when it comes to old rivals, even the least spirited feel their loyalties rise anew.

But please. One word of wisdom. Don't be a sore winner. Sore losers are annoying (I know, because I am one) but they have an excuse. Rubbing a win into someone else's face, however, is tacky and speaks only to your ill-breeding.

And for the sore losers - keep a lid on it. Appreciate good plays, whether or not they're made by your team. Realize that you're bringing down everyone by your crappy attitude. But you're allowed to walk away if a sore winner gets in your face - because we really want to avoid physical violence, don't we?

Let's hope I can follow my own rules. And until the game, feel free to root for whoever you wish. I'll only secretly hate you, as you're allowed to secretly hate me for my allegiances. :)