2008 Oscars

How much do I love the Oscars? A lot, even if I did miss "The Gary Busey Incident". I might be happy about that because from the rough descriptions I have read so far, it was painful and I was the child that changed the channel when Lassie was in trouble - I don't DO painful, even if it's harmless in the end.

Anyway, Jon Stewart was cute, although clearly the writers did not have enough time to polish a few of those jokes before setting it out there. Tilda Swinton finally got recognized, which was fabulous because I love her (and hate her dress - more on that later). Johnny Depp still lacks an Oscar, which makes me sad, but it was expected. But how amused was I that the ex-stripper won Best Original Screenplay? I haven't seen No Country For Old Men though, so a lot of it was lost on me. Ah well.

But let's get to the important part - the clothes!

People.com is so forgiving and they've named 21 women as the best dressed. I have a few issues with some of the choices. Forgive me if I sound like I'm channeling the girls over at Go Fug Yourself - I might be.

1. Cameron Diaz - Are you kidding? She had a pillow on her butt in an unflattering color, which you barely noticed because her skin looked like she had just gone on a 45 minute jog through the Sahara in midday.
2. Jennifer Garner - She looked like she was suctioned into that black dress, which was clearly meant for a flatter chested girl... perhaps someone like Rachel Zoe, who Garner gushed had picked it out for her. Zoe! Stop creating Mini-Me's! I don't care for Jennifer Garner, but her breasts deserved more respect than that.
3. Miley Cyrus - I have no real beef with the dress, although it's boring... but WHY are you even AT THE OSCARS?
4. Mrs. Daniel Day Lewis - I don't know her real name, but at least she didn't show up on the Best Dressed list. Of anyone. Anywhere. She was a mix between that horrible costume jewelry you find in your grandma's closet that her mother bought during the Depression and a Christmas ornament. I wish I were kidding. It's no dead swan or spangled Cher creation though, I have to admit.
5. Tilda Swinton - She also wasn't on the People.com list. Like I said, love her and hate the dre-... um, sack-like black thing. I wish she would go all Annie Hall on us and wear a suit - go where Diane Keaton has gone so many times before. Not backwards though.

Kudos go to Penelope Cruz, Keri Russell, Laura Linney and the perfect Heidi Klum for pulling it off without making me want to poke out my eyes with a spork.

But the best dressed for the evening definitely goes to Helen Mirren, which is completely unfair. I pray to age as well as her. Hello, she's a senior freaking citizen and she's wiping the floor with her 20-something competition. Congrats, Helen. I kind of love and hate you at the same time. But mostly, I love the dress.

Ironically Iconically

Okay, why did all the photographers wake up one day and decide that there were no more original ideas in the whole wide universe?

First, Lindsay Lohan decides to strip down in a random, thinly-veiled attention-whoring photo shoot, copying the iconic Marilyn Monroe images from 40+ years ago. To illustrate how much Marilyn Monroe means to Lindsay, her mother said, "For Christmas, my girlfriends even gave her a Marilyn cookie jar. I think there's a sadness that Lindsay feels for Marilyn." Lindsay has repeated this second sentiment with vague references to Heath Ledger. I weep from your sincerity, ladies.

(Side note - the first time I saw this, I didn't even recognize her. I'm still not sure if this is a good or bad thing.)

Second, Jessica Alba is photographed in a number of movie scenes including Psycho, Rosemary's Baby, The Birds and... Scream, for some incongruous reason. Cardboard aspires to be as flat and uninspired as she is in these pictures. Apparently, Jessica decided that bad acting shouldn't just destroy her own movies, but other ones as well.

And perhaps that's my problem with this disturbing practice. Remakes are hardly ever as good as the original and they're often downright horrific. But if you simply MUST remake something that has risen to iconic status, be worthy of it. Don't put on a bad wig and talk about the honor it is to recreate something that was perfectly fine the first time around. Because if you have to do that, I can assure you that you are not worthy at all.

Happy Valentine's Day

Oliver

I often post here about effective (or uneffective) ad campaigns. T-Mobile, Mastercard and Jack in the Box are frequent winners in my book, while those Alltell commercials are getting really tedious and I want to smack that smiley face from Wal-mart.

I'm watching the Westminster Dog Show (because I'm a dork who squeals over puppies and laments over poodles winning every freaking year) and the dog-related industries pull out all the stops. It's their Superbowl, after all. And Pedigree has to gain a gold star for the perfect mix of wanting to make me cry and endearing themselves to me, even though I think they sell crap food. I won't subject you to the first part of the Oliver story, which was run last year. It's heartbreaking. So I'm giving you the happy second part, which still makes me a bit teary. This year the abandoned dog is Echo. They haven't shown the second part for his story yet and I'm still weepy every time I see the first bit. Darn you, Pedigree, for having evil geniuses as ad men.

Make Me An Oxymoron

I took a short break from studying for Con Law tonight to eat dinner and watch Project Runway, which has become my new favorite show in the absence of writers and good scripted television. While celebrating the departure of one of my least favorite designers and folding some laundry, Make Me A Supermodel came on. I don't watch this show because I really detest any contest where the viewers vote - I think the past season of American Idol proves that this is just not a good idea. The public, as a whole, is not the best bunch when it comes to picking actual talent.

Anyway, it starts off with a recap of last week when the aspiring models apparently stripped down to their skivvies and rolled around in a bed with each other trying to look fierce and sexy. This week's episode went a step farther - nude modeling for an art class. Their reactions to this challenge were something akin to a meteor hurtling towards their very heads. "NAKED? I've never BEEN naked before in front of people! Ahhh! For the love of all that is holy and good, I am freaking out!"

What am I missing here? Has Maxim replaced Degas in respectability? Was I warped by a childhood with an artist mother? Should we be framing lingerie ads with models licking each other on our walls (you know, when we're not 13 year old boys)?

Ah well, I guess I can't define art... but I'll know it when I see it.