Since I'm assuming that most of you reading this will either one day marry or you're already married, this is a note to you. One day you might have children. Those children will grow up and get married too. This means you have become some poor defenseless girl or guy's new in-laws. They might love you. They might hate you. Either way, you WILL drive them nuts. It's inevitable. And the thing is, you'll be CLUELESS. You think you're giving good advice and little gems from your time as a young, poor newlywed. And you might be. But that doesn't mean that unsolicited advice is welcome. Here's some guidelines for you to remember:
1. If your son is a big guy and somehow (miraculously!) losing weight now that he's married (and out of your house, where apparently chocolate cake is an appropriate mid-morning snack), do not take this as a sign that he needs to pack on that lost 20 pounds. Step away from that turkey! Your son (AND your daughter-in-law) told you about FIVE TIMES that they're going to another Christmas dinner and cannot eat more than they have taken. Neither of them care how good the turkey is if they don't want it. And it's REALLY annoying when you start preparing a plate for them anyway. Do you even listen?
2. If your new daughter-in-law decides to be nice (unusual for her) and invites all of her in-laws (that's you) over for her very first Thanksgiving dinner and asks you to bring rolls and salad... bring rolls and salad! No chicken, no ham, no 3 varieties of potatoes, no 5 pies, no 3 extra varieties of salad and NO COOKIES. She understands that you think she might fail horribly, but that's when your cooking skills and whatever the freezer has in store comes into play. Before that, cease and desist. You have reduced her to mixing herself a gin and tonic. It might look like water... but no, no... it's alcohol. And it's because of you.
3. Stop nagging. You've had your time. Now it's your daughter-in-law's turn to nag your son (just kidding... sorta). He can hear you. You don't have to repeat yourself. He is no longer 5 and can understand what you're saying. Any more than two times becomes nagging and both he and his (for once) silent wife are screaming in their heads.
4. Understand that if your daughter-in-law is silently accepting your "well-informed advice" that she might really just be silently wishing that it was acceptable to walk out on her elders. She has her ways of cooking/keeping house/keeping finances and if they work, accept that. Advice is fine in moderation. But no patronizing tones, please. Keep it short, so that the torture is bearable.
5. DON'T CALL PAST TEN PM! And preferably, not past 9. You might think you're being helpful by informing your son that he got a parking ticket. But at 11 pm and on a Saturday, he really can't do anything about it until Monday. And the nagging again! He said ONCE that he didn't get a ticket and that should be enough. You don't need to ask another 3 times. All you have done is upset your son and ruined your daughter-in-law's evening. Even if she was only studying for finals, now she's writing angry blog entries instead of having a nice, calm evening.
Obviously, these are a bit precise. Feel free to structure these guidelines so that they apply to you and your future son or daughter-in-law. This post might be gone by tomorrow, so take these guidelines to heart in whatever way you deem necessary. Because even if I feel guilty and take them down, I still feel that way. And you can bet your son or daughter-in-law will too.
That said, I love my mother-in-law and realize that I'm lucky to get one that only drives me up the wall instead of making me want to physically hurt myself.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Take My Lawyer, Please
Today in Torts we talked about legal malpractice. It was fun hearing about all the ways we could and could not get sued in the future. And it was fun to hear about Prof Torts own little "I missed my hearing with a judge" story. This is exactly the sort of thing I would do.
In December of '05, I was preparing to graduate from UT. I had only a couple finals and one of them was Ancient Religions of India and Iran. The exam was scheduled for a Wednesday and a review session on the week before that. Unfortunately, there was one of our infamous Texas "wintry mixes" that weekend and school closed down. I go along my merry way, studying for my finals. I show up on the appointed day to find an empty classroom. I freak out. I call Jon. I call a series of friends. All are in class or ignoring me. I finally call my father, give him my info for him to get onto Blackboard, where he finds a notice from my prof that since we were gyped of a review session, we were having a take home final instead. It was due five days prior. I freak out more, only this time there are tears. Let me say that people really stare at you when you're walking across campus in hysterics.
In the end, the prof was understanding and gave me a chance to take the final and turn it in before the following day. In the end, I made an A in the class.
Somehow I don't think a judge would be so understanding. Cue the cold sweat.
In December of '05, I was preparing to graduate from UT. I had only a couple finals and one of them was Ancient Religions of India and Iran. The exam was scheduled for a Wednesday and a review session on the week before that. Unfortunately, there was one of our infamous Texas "wintry mixes" that weekend and school closed down. I go along my merry way, studying for my finals. I show up on the appointed day to find an empty classroom. I freak out. I call Jon. I call a series of friends. All are in class or ignoring me. I finally call my father, give him my info for him to get onto Blackboard, where he finds a notice from my prof that since we were gyped of a review session, we were having a take home final instead. It was due five days prior. I freak out more, only this time there are tears. Let me say that people really stare at you when you're walking across campus in hysterics.
In the end, the prof was understanding and gave me a chance to take the final and turn it in before the following day. In the end, I made an A in the class.
Somehow I don't think a judge would be so understanding. Cue the cold sweat.
Friday, January 19, 2007
T-Mobile - Secret Lovers
There are a lot of ads out there that are impressively well done - Geico, Jack-in-the-Box, Mac. I wasn't so crazy about the Catherine Zeta Jones ads by T-Mobile, but these new ads are hilarious. This is my personal favorite.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Waco: Bastion of Geekdom
My darling husband has one habit that drives me absolutely crazy (not in the good way). It's called World of Warcraft. About 1/3 of you out there are going, "huh?", another 1/3 is going "best game ever!" and the last 1/3 is rolling their eyes. For that first group, a little description is in order. WoW is a MMORPG - a Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game. They go around as trolls or little hobbits or elves or whatever and kill stuff. Yes, it's just as geeky as it sounds. Bunches of people (usually guys) gathering on a online server to pretend that they're ugly creatures carrying big swords. (I could make a Freudian joke here, but I think that's redundant.)
On Tuesday, the "expansion" comes out. Basically, more troll things to play, more land and more headaches for me. Oh. Notice that I'm writing this at 1 am. Have you guessed where I'm going with this? Oh yeah - Jon went and got the expansion at midnight from the local GameStop. I don't want to be a total jerk - I admit that I have my geeky moments too. I even play (read: used to play, before law school) video games on console, like MarioKart Double Dash. And I'll kick your butt too. But I digress. When Jon came home at 12:30, our conversation went like this:
Me: So... that's it? It's freaking huge.
Jon: It's the collector's edition.
Me: Oh my God... Are you kidding?
Jon: No. *starts to unpack the box which is literally the size of a Gutenberg Bible*
Me: What is that?
Jon: Um... a book of the artwork.
Me: And how many people were out there for this treasure trove of wonders?
Jon: About 100.
Me: 100??? You're telling me that 100 people went out at midnight on this cold as crap night and waited outside for a game? A game that they technically already have? Tell me, how many of them were girls?
Jon: Um... well, that's kind of hard to say.
Me: Clarification - how many were players and not just girlfriends rolling their eyes?
Jon: About 10... maybe less. *watches me roll my eyes* This is why I didn't make you go. I knew you wouldn't have any fun.
In compensation for me ridiculing Jon mercilessly here, I offer this - I know what Helm's Deep is. I've read the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy. Oh yes, I could have answered all of Prof CivPro's questions about it. Except for the Elvish thing. I don't know Elvish.
(Jon isn't irritated at me anymore.)
On Tuesday, the "expansion" comes out. Basically, more troll things to play, more land and more headaches for me. Oh. Notice that I'm writing this at 1 am. Have you guessed where I'm going with this? Oh yeah - Jon went and got the expansion at midnight from the local GameStop. I don't want to be a total jerk - I admit that I have my geeky moments too. I even play (read: used to play, before law school) video games on console, like MarioKart Double Dash. And I'll kick your butt too. But I digress. When Jon came home at 12:30, our conversation went like this:
Me: So... that's it? It's freaking huge.
Jon: It's the collector's edition.
Me: Oh my God... Are you kidding?
Jon: No. *starts to unpack the box which is literally the size of a Gutenberg Bible*
Me: What is that?
Jon: Um... a book of the artwork.
Me: And how many people were out there for this treasure trove of wonders?
Jon: About 100.
Me: 100??? You're telling me that 100 people went out at midnight on this cold as crap night and waited outside for a game? A game that they technically already have? Tell me, how many of them were girls?
Jon: Um... well, that's kind of hard to say.
Me: Clarification - how many were players and not just girlfriends rolling their eyes?
Jon: About 10... maybe less. *watches me roll my eyes* This is why I didn't make you go. I knew you wouldn't have any fun.
In compensation for me ridiculing Jon mercilessly here, I offer this - I know what Helm's Deep is. I've read the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy. Oh yes, I could have answered all of Prof CivPro's questions about it. Except for the Elvish thing. I don't know Elvish.
(Jon isn't irritated at me anymore.)
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Firefox Rox My Sox... sort of...
I love Safari, but apparently everything else online hates it. This has forced me to download Firefox, which Jon talks about as if it's the net's personal Christ. It works better with non-Mac-loving sites, but my photos on blogger still turn up in code. So this could be a mass of indecipherable writing or it could be prompt you to think "and why is she in law school?"
Why, indeed. Um, probably because I really detest the hard sciences like biology, which would kind of interfere with becoming a veterinarian or anything of the kind. (Not entirely my fault - I have a long harangue about a certain 9th grade biology teacher who was not only a jerk but constantly taught us the wrong thing. When I pointed out that he was wrong, he could get quite irritated.) All that aside, aren't they just adorable? I found this during the file transfers. It's a couple years old, but I still miss those monkeys.
There's a sentence you don't hear every day.
Here ends the test to see if Firefox works with blogger.
Why, indeed. Um, probably because I really detest the hard sciences like biology, which would kind of interfere with becoming a veterinarian or anything of the kind. (Not entirely my fault - I have a long harangue about a certain 9th grade biology teacher who was not only a jerk but constantly taught us the wrong thing. When I pointed out that he was wrong, he could get quite irritated.) All that aside, aren't they just adorable? I found this during the file transfers. It's a couple years old, but I still miss those monkeys.
There's a sentence you don't hear every day.
Here ends the test to see if Firefox works with blogger.
Saturday, January 6, 2007
The Dark and Depressing Past & Future
Because I'm avoiding my work (hey, it's worked for 2 weeks, why not 2 days more?) I'm going to mention 2 excellent movies that you should all see. I saw them on consecutive nights and I actually think that enhanced the experience.
The Good Shepherd was first. Given the marketing of this one, I'm sure you all know what it's about - the birth of the CIA. It was very well done, although you like the secondary characters far more than the main character (Edward, played by Matt Damon) because he essentially has no sense of humor. That's okay though, because we're not talking about a movie that's meant to be big on the laughs. I had moments of disbelief and the time periods got confusing (it switched from just after the Bay of Pigs disaster to a progressive look at his past) and the kid kind of annoyed me, but they always do, so that's just me I think. The movie tried to balance Edward's personal and work lives, but it tips towards making his personal life more important when you really want to know about the CIA. There's one scene reminscent of that really uncomfortable scene in Casino Royale, which even had ME crossing my legs. It's the most heartbreaking scene in my opinion, but also one of the most powerful for that reason as it involves the torture and interrogation of a Russian spy. (Hello, allusions to present day political life.) De Niro, who directed, is also my favorite character because he seems most comfortable with it. Probably because he's worked on this little pet project of his for 10 years. I wouldn't say it was worth that entire 10 years. Maybe 7?
The next night I saw Children of Men, which has just come to the US after being released months ago abroad. The premise is that in the future, women will have been unable to have children for about 20 years. Obviously, this kind of depresses the world and it descends into chaos. And then one girl gets pregnant. It has Clive Owen as the main character and although they tout Julianne Moore and Michael Caine, they have about 20 minutes screentime combined. Caine is excellent though and worth seeing the movie just for him. Kee, the girl who is pregnant, is played fairly well, although in the beginning the actress (an unknown) lays on the accent a bit thick and you can't always understand her. There's a lot of Christian symbolism here, but you can enjoy it without being conscious of that fact. Clive Owen's Theo is another not entirely likeable guy, but you do like him for some reason - probably because he's so pathetic. Kee is kind of headstrong but otherwise you don't know anything about her, so she comes across as kind of 2D. After watching TGS though, the dystopia of the future is even more believable and I have to say that the cinematics are beautiful. I hate gore but Cuaron keeps all the truly horrific images out of focus or in the back of the frame, which gives you the horribleness of war but doesn't set aside your appetite for 2 days.
So if you're feeling fatalistic or morbid or whatever and you want validation of why you should feel that way, that's what you should go see. Not that any of us have the time or money. But hey - at least these protagonsists have got it worse.
The Good Shepherd was first. Given the marketing of this one, I'm sure you all know what it's about - the birth of the CIA. It was very well done, although you like the secondary characters far more than the main character (Edward, played by Matt Damon) because he essentially has no sense of humor. That's okay though, because we're not talking about a movie that's meant to be big on the laughs. I had moments of disbelief and the time periods got confusing (it switched from just after the Bay of Pigs disaster to a progressive look at his past) and the kid kind of annoyed me, but they always do, so that's just me I think. The movie tried to balance Edward's personal and work lives, but it tips towards making his personal life more important when you really want to know about the CIA. There's one scene reminscent of that really uncomfortable scene in Casino Royale, which even had ME crossing my legs. It's the most heartbreaking scene in my opinion, but also one of the most powerful for that reason as it involves the torture and interrogation of a Russian spy. (Hello, allusions to present day political life.) De Niro, who directed, is also my favorite character because he seems most comfortable with it. Probably because he's worked on this little pet project of his for 10 years. I wouldn't say it was worth that entire 10 years. Maybe 7?
The next night I saw Children of Men, which has just come to the US after being released months ago abroad. The premise is that in the future, women will have been unable to have children for about 20 years. Obviously, this kind of depresses the world and it descends into chaos. And then one girl gets pregnant. It has Clive Owen as the main character and although they tout Julianne Moore and Michael Caine, they have about 20 minutes screentime combined. Caine is excellent though and worth seeing the movie just for him. Kee, the girl who is pregnant, is played fairly well, although in the beginning the actress (an unknown) lays on the accent a bit thick and you can't always understand her. There's a lot of Christian symbolism here, but you can enjoy it without being conscious of that fact. Clive Owen's Theo is another not entirely likeable guy, but you do like him for some reason - probably because he's so pathetic. Kee is kind of headstrong but otherwise you don't know anything about her, so she comes across as kind of 2D. After watching TGS though, the dystopia of the future is even more believable and I have to say that the cinematics are beautiful. I hate gore but Cuaron keeps all the truly horrific images out of focus or in the back of the frame, which gives you the horribleness of war but doesn't set aside your appetite for 2 days.
So if you're feeling fatalistic or morbid or whatever and you want validation of why you should feel that way, that's what you should go see. Not that any of us have the time or money. But hey - at least these protagonsists have got it worse.
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
Business Casual???
So I managed to scoot in a last minute application for a summer internship at Locke Liddell in Dallas. (Last minute is kind of an understatement I think, but let's move on.) They must have received it yesterday, because today I got an email inviting me to a "holiday reception" at their office TOMORROW. We're to wear "business casual".
It's times like these that I wish I was a man.
Being a woman however, the whole dress code thing delivers such a headache that I'm ready to lie down and accept defeat even before I start picking out shoes. It doesn't help that half my wardrobe (including all of my nice winter clothing) is in Waco. I don't even have an appropriate jacket. My mother suggested one of my suit jackets. I own 2 - a camel colored one that looks like I'm wearing the fashion equivalent of a potato sack and a red (and I'm talking BRIGHT RED) 3/4 length sleeve jacket I've had since I was 14, when my mother foisted it upon me with the words "it was on sale!". I think it makes me look like Janet Reno.
After trying on about 30 different combinations with both jackets (all of which were worn with my "sullen look" which I dredged up from when - again - I was 14 and a sullen teenager) I came to the computer to find out exactly what "business casual" is. One of my first hits said, "The term business casual is one of the most misunderstood of all business terms." Well, great. Thanks, guys. Wikipedia failed me too - it has a picture of Bill Gates. Yes, that's EXACTLY what the fine people at Locke Liddell are looking for, I'm sure.
So if you have any ideas of what I could wear (yes, I'm willing to go shopping - I'd just rather not have to buy an expensive suit on the fly - I'll do that later when freaking out about what to wear on my first day at my fantabulous new job, I hope) please leave a nice comment. Keep in mind that it's going to be cold and wet in Dallas tomorrow. If you think I'm being a total girl, that's fine too.
It's times like these that I wish I was a man.
Being a woman however, the whole dress code thing delivers such a headache that I'm ready to lie down and accept defeat even before I start picking out shoes. It doesn't help that half my wardrobe (including all of my nice winter clothing) is in Waco. I don't even have an appropriate jacket. My mother suggested one of my suit jackets. I own 2 - a camel colored one that looks like I'm wearing the fashion equivalent of a potato sack and a red (and I'm talking BRIGHT RED) 3/4 length sleeve jacket I've had since I was 14, when my mother foisted it upon me with the words "it was on sale!". I think it makes me look like Janet Reno.
After trying on about 30 different combinations with both jackets (all of which were worn with my "sullen look" which I dredged up from when - again - I was 14 and a sullen teenager) I came to the computer to find out exactly what "business casual" is. One of my first hits said, "The term business casual is one of the most misunderstood of all business terms." Well, great. Thanks, guys. Wikipedia failed me too - it has a picture of Bill Gates. Yes, that's EXACTLY what the fine people at Locke Liddell are looking for, I'm sure.
So if you have any ideas of what I could wear (yes, I'm willing to go shopping - I'd just rather not have to buy an expensive suit on the fly - I'll do that later when freaking out about what to wear on my first day at my fantabulous new job, I hope) please leave a nice comment. Keep in mind that it's going to be cold and wet in Dallas tomorrow. If you think I'm being a total girl, that's fine too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
